A quarter** to the quarter* life

"I am thinking about you today because you are not turning 25 every year. I miss you and wish that you were here with me to celebrate it with me" these were the lines that I told myself when I turned 25 y.o.

But on the contrary, I am feeling the same normal as I feel excited about my birthday. Well, I guess the age is to be blamed.

I can't believe that today marks 25 years old, which means you have lived 1/4th of your life already. Time really goes fast.  This is the age where you feel that you want to make the most of it. But with the same thought small thinking creeps under your head that you are reaching your 30's too..! and this... this scares you to the core. You want to have fun but like to be responsible too.

This is the age where you like cartoons but cannot ignore the films that give messages on serious issues. It's like you can't blend with children but don't feel like adulting too. You get so choosy in picking the people you hang out with, you start looking for a similar vibe rather than a similar locality. 

A quarter* is the stage where the temporary people start exiting your life and you don't even get affected by it. Because this is also the stage where you have already made peace with your dark pasts and eventually moved on. At this point, you start understanding the importance of family and Frie-mily (friends like family). You do start respecting the old traditions but accept new cool swags like GOAT, SMH, BRB.

This quarter teaches you that nights out are fun, but so is early to rise and early to bed. You don't wake up to the screeching noise of alarms rather it's the responsibilities on your shoulders that widen up your sleepy af eyes. You want to get fit but are getting sloppy.

You like to stay in and watch Netflix and play with Xbox and ps5's, but you get nostalgic about playing gully cricket where you used slippers, old cans, bricks, and all such sort of odd things as stumps. You scold young children for doing something which you naughtily did in your early 20's and even now at 25 when you are with your squad you don't hesitate to do mischief but scolds the little ones if they do the same.

And how can you ignore the importance of Vitamin M. You start understanding the money spent on food is a way more good investment than the money spent on movies, but duh Friday's first shows of your favorite actor are difficult to resist. This quarter stage makes you invest in stocks and SIPs. At this point in your life, you don't take chances for general coaches rather you book your seats in advance. And suddenly you realize that you are getting more organized towards these little things.

Every morning you wake up with a small confusion about whether to wear a tee or to down a formal shirt; go with the plain haircut or with funky ones. Choose sandals for comfort or office shoes to match the dress-code of your organization. Here you start missing your good old college days but at the same time, your new office environment and teaming up with all the new faces excites you.

Alas, the BIG question about marrying and settling for one tries to get you, and thanks to society as they won't let you forget this. But you stand here jabbing your mind about the confusion as to how to choose your soulmate. Because on one hand, you do like the young aunt living next door and you have a crush on her teen daughter too ;). So basically, you are in constant notion whether to remain single and have fun or to achieve the milestone of your quarter-life.

So let's go back in time where we could spend a quarter** to raise a quarter# and say cheers to this quarter* age of life.

Emotions: Boon or Bane..!!??

Emotions: Boon or Bane..!!??

Here I am sitting in the darkest corner of the room wondering about the chaos going around. I know it's a pretty little world out there but I am more concerned with the worlds that we all are carrying deep inside within us.

The world named EMOTIONS..!!

Maybe the corners of the heart are still more accessible than the corners of our brains.

We all believe that our heart lights up when we experience any of those five senses of ours. But the real question lies whether it's actually our heart that feels or rather it's just our brain..??

Are those just the chemical reactions going on in our brain or is it the emotions that makes us feel alive..??

If it wasn't for the emotions would we ever be able to feel the joy of an infant holding our fingers as hard as they can..??

If it wasn't for the emotions would we ever get excited seeing the rainbows or the colors of winged butterflies..??

Are emotions really emotions or are they just our bodily actions. ??

I don't know if one can sum up all the emotions in single statement or not. Or whether the feeling of one individual can be related to other individuals or not.

And I personally believe that all the emotions are nothing but the band width of different frequencies between fear and disgust just as like all the colors that are band width between red and violet..!!

Or wait, is this my belief triggered by the emotions that I might be experiencing right now or is it just my brain running up on logic..??

But are these feelings really helping us grow or are they just the curtains that we really need to achieve stability , comfort and definition in our lives.

Are we so afraid to open the curtain behind the curtain..??

Or we just sit idle and hope that the emotional pain here (heart) will overpower actual pain there (brain).

What if there were no emotions at all..??

If it could ever be the case there might not be any feelings of heartbreaks in teenagers, or the sad feeling for demise of that one person whom we loved from the core of our heart, or the feeling of separation that a little kid might experience while his parents board him far away to hostel, or getting rejected by the girl you just proposed or seeing the guy you crave with some other girl.

Emotions are childish and dangerous. We are taught to either ignore them control them or deny them. We barely know where they come from and what they are. Or how they seem to understand us better than we understand ourselves. Sometimes they are as little as the smell of first rain on earth and sometimes they are as huge as death of the closed one.

Also on contrary if emotions did not exist ever would we be able to feel the liveliness when we are with our families or close ones, would we be able to enjoy the feeling of that first kiss or that first rain dance of our life when we were too young to know what we are experiencing. Or the feeling of accomplishment when we achieve that our long big-time goal, or the feeling a mother feels when she holds her baby for the very first time..!!

I suppose when emotions brings us ghost from the past only logic can root us in the present.

I guess maybe just maybe emotions are boon for some and bane for others..

Or the bigger question who are those others and who are those some..??

Is it really up-to us to make a emotion either boon or bane or just it really baffles us all whether Emotions are actually boon or bane..!!??

Wanderer or a fool..??

Wanderer OR a fool..??

I don't know if I am really a smart wanderer or just a foolish fool.

As I have wandered long enough foolishly thinking  to meet you some day.

You know that I yearn your pretty little eyes and adore your vision of everything for a greater good.

But what you don't know is that I still search for you in the crowds of hundreds of millions of people around me.

I still search for you in the vast empty fields of corns and millet of this un-ending lands.

And that's not the least, my eyes still won't stop scanning each passing cars  in the city lights you might be in.

They still longs for you on the windy roads and in shooting stars.

They will keep counting the hours, days, and years unless you come back to me.

But alas, here I stand all alone and afraid about not knowing who really I am.

A wanderer or a fool..!!?? 

For I have wandered long enough to believe the captivity in the shackle of your arms was the solace I had been looking for...

Okay... But NOT okay

Okay...but NOT okay

_It's okay_ for you if you don't like me anymore as you used to before.

_It's okay_ for you if you don't want to spend time with me anymore as you wanted it before.

_It's okay_ for you if you don't want to remember my little things which once you remembered without any efforts.

_It's okay_ for you if you don't wish to show me your crazy selfies and pictures of your cute expression and _nakhras_ which you used to send me daily, just to make my day.

_It's okay_ for you if you don't wish to call me that often as you used to call me whenever you even get a pain in your nail.

_It's okay_ for you if you don't wish to text me asking about my whereabouts and day doings as you used to do that before.

_It's okay_ for you if you don't wish to cling to me on our two wheelers ride on which you lovingly liked embracing me every now and then.

_It's okay_ for you if you don't wish to hold my hands with our fingers clasped while strolling on long walks as before.

_It's okay_ for you if you don't wish to wait for hours just to meet me for few minutes as you used to before.

_It's okay_ for you if now you don't  care about my health or of me not eating up on time as you used to worry about the same before.

_It's okay_ if you are not concerned at all about me, which wasn't the case before.

_It's okay_ for you if you don't love me anymore.

_It's okay_ for you if you have already found a guy.

_It's okay_ for you if you have started loving someone with all your heart 💓

_It's okay_ for you to do all those little things for him which once you used to do for me.

_It's okay_ for you if you now  don't hear my sounds of silence anymore.

_It's okay_ for you but it's surely NOT okay for me for being stranded, tored apart in my life while you are doing all the 

okay-ish things for someone else's.

But I Guess that's _okay...but not okay._

Maybe just in Dreams.

Maybe just in  Dreams.

Maybe every night we are spending it together..

No no no; not in that way you idiot.. 😉

Maybe I am dreaming of you. 

Maybe you are dreaming of me.

May be, we are never apart; 

May be our souls wind themselves up in a world different than ours, 

Maybe we co-exist in each other's dream .

And

Every morning when we wake up to that melancholy voice of alarm, 

we forget all about each other.

And 

What's left is;

Nothing of you and everything of me.

Two Strangers

Two strangers

None knew about each other, they were like two different seeds thrown in the same pot.

But who would had guessed that they were meant to be.

As the days passed they both got sunk into their individual lives just as seeds immerse themselves into the soil.

And then one fine day, something sparked; they got into each other's vicinity area.

That was the moment they both experienced force; an abstract force which started growing between them just as the same seeds grows after kor watering.

Days passed, seasons passed and now they were like two streamlines of water, always together but never one..!!

But on one gloomy night the tweaks got entangled with each other and they both were comfortable with that.

But destiny had some other plans for them and that gloomy night change it all.

The moment he confessed his love towards her was  the moment she lost her best friend and he his love.

And now they both lay as  two strangers among the same pot

She... A beautiful mirage

Here I sit by the riverside thinking about her. With each passing waves of water my thoughts and love for her only deepens. Her vivid thoughts are playing in my mind just like the fishes play while nibbling the algae. But unlike the green and brown algae I too have sweet and sour memories of her. 

She was no less than the water. She was powerful enough to drown me but was so soft to cleanse me and deep enough to submerge me in her.

But alas..! It was so childish of me to think that waves can remain stagnant at a place. Waves are meant to flow just like as same she trajected her path away from me. The more I tried to hold her in my arms the more swiftly she slipped just like the water. 

But with the passage of time everything started drying up, even the soil which once carried the beautiful sand grains were now on extinction just as my soul with her thoughts are on verge of extinction. 

The only thing which remains still wet are those eyes which still longes for her just as the desert longes for rains. But alas, the desert is no less childish than me as it doesn't understand that he can never have water. He's so devoid of water that all it has is a mirage. 

And yes now I know that perhaps she was a beautiful mirage which left me thinking along the riverside smiling and grinning those green and brown algae moments.